Goal Team Goal!
Most people set goals at one time or another. Goals, plans, achievements, objectives, ends, ambitions, aspirations, or whatever you call them, are a common part of New Years traditions for many people. Unfortunately, many people do not attain their goals.
The majority of people, especially those in the corporate world, or who are (or have been) on the path of personal growth and improvement, know about the acronym for SMART goals. The acronym is usually cited as meaning
These factors definitely help in achieving a goal, but another factor that seems to be less discussed is having at least one support person. On the flip side of having a support person is having a person or people who are antagonistic to your goals. They can do significant harm.
Goals Being Set For Me and Criticism: Bad Experiences
When I was younger, I spent some time serving a mission for my church. Part of our weekly routine was to set goals for various activities and metrics. We would prayerfully set goals with the person or people we were working with, and then report our goals to our supervisors for follow-up. On rare occasions, goals would be a top down, one size fits all exercise that each set of missionaries would be assigned, regardless of factors that might influence how attainable those goals might be.
Unfortunately, when reporting our goals for the week ahead our supervisors would often tell us our goals were not good enough, or faithful enough. The idea many people had was that our goals should be at least a bit unrealistic because then we had to show and exercise faith beyond our own capacity and that if we did that, God would help us meet those goals. Maybe I wasn’t faithful enough, but I never met those unrealistic goals.
What was worse was the times our goals were given to us. I remember one time specifically, even though our goals had been set for us, and we thought they would be extremely difficult goals to accomplish, we nearly did it! We were so excited!
Then we got to our next group meeting. Since the goals were set for us, everyone had the same goals. Each group had to stand up and account for whether we had met our goals or not and explain how we met them, or why we didn’t… in front of everyone. When it came to our turn, despite the fact we felt really good about how we had done, and how we had almost met our goals despite some challenges including a burn resulting in a doctor’s visit resulting in fewer work hours being put in, we knew from watching others that we were not going to be given credit for the work we did.
Instead, we were criticized. We felt a bit like we had been visited by the Spanish Inquisition. Not only were we not given any credit for how close we came to achieving the goals set for us and the work we did, but we were verbally attacked. We were told how because we hadn’t met goals someone else set for us we were lazy. We were told we didn’t care about doing the work we were there to do or the people we were there to serve. We were accused of all kinds of things. The accusations came from those who were our supervisors; from those who were supposed to be there to help, train, and support us.
Despite our attempts to explain why we hadn’t met the goals, our leaders continued to berate us and falsely accuse us. We were upset, hurt, and offended. Worse, I can’t speak for others who experienced this, but I at least, was damaged.
Consequences
For years I had a reflexive aversion to the word “goals”. I hated hearing it. I couldn’t even bring myself to say it. Fortunately, I’m good with words, because I had to use synonyms to discuss the subject. “Aspiration” was my replacement word of choice during those times.
Not only did I hate hearing the word, but I hated anything to do with goals or goal setting. I would avoid the subject in conversation, and walk out of classes where it was part of the day’s subject matter. I hated goals with the flaming, fiery passion of the sun.
Naturally, with my intense hatred of goals there was no way I was going to set any let alone try to achieve them. Several years went by before I decided it was time to change how I felt about goals. Even if I sometimes still used synonyms instead of the “g word”, it was time to start trying to heal my damage and build a new relationship with goal setting.
Moving Forward
I’ve made progress. I can say the word “goal” 99 percent of the time now. I set goals. Sometimes I even achieve them! Let’s be honest though. I probably won’t ever be a “goal digger”. Follow up and follow through are the hardest parts for me. I’m sure many people struggle with those parts. They’re pretty important though.
There are lots of good ways to follow up, follow through, and track your goals. It is important you choose some way of tracking though. There are a variety of apps out there for tracking. Usually around the New Year when people are going to be making resolutions there are lists of the best apps. Lifewire has this top 5 list.
I’ve gotten pretty good at marking each day whether I’ve done something or not. That’s easy. There’s a bit of pressure to mark I’ve met my goal for the day, but not much. Personally, I feel more pressure to simply keep my streak of logging than I do the streak of keeping up a goal. Being accountable to others is a much bigger help when it comes to ensuring I’m not just tracking, but staying on track.
Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a significant other, a mentor, or whomever, having at least one person you’re accountable to can make a huge difference. There are support groups out there for some goals, and they can be a big help for some people. For other people, one trusted, meaningful support person can be better than a group of near strangers. The goal can make a difference too. Sometimes we have goals that are rather personal, and it’s much more comfortable to share with one or two people.
On the other hand, like I experienced years ago, when people are not supportive of goals, when they try to control you, criticize you, or otherwise bring you down, they can hurt your ability to reach your goals. If someone truly cares for you and wants the best for you, they will want you to succeed in your goals. Even if we don’t agree with someone’s goal there are still ways to support the person without necessarily endorsing what they’re doing. If we truly care about someone though, we want them to be happy, healthy, and successful. We can support them and help them along their path.
No matter what your goals, those who care about you and want the best for you will find some way to support you. Find those people, and let them know how they can help. For those around you, find ways to help and celebrate them. Ask what you can do to help. Whether you’re part of a large support group, or a small close-knit group, goals are more likely to be achieved when we have a support team. Often, each person on the support team will have goals they could use help with. Give support. Offer accountability. Goals can be a challenge, but we can achieve them, if we set them properly and have a good team around us.
Whether you’re on track with a goal, or have gotten off track, you can do it. If you’ve gotten off track, get back on! Pick it up, and keep going. Start again. You don’t have to wait for another January First, or even a Monday. Start tomorrow, or better yet today. You can do it, and there are people who care and will help you.
Goal Team Goal!
Garrett Leeds is the founder of the Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness Project
